When You'll die

(Dedicated to anyone who's ever given a damn about me)

As your body convulses with laughter at something that would probably want a tomato to fling itself at you for possessing such low-IQed humour I can't help but notice how alive you look.

What would happen when you'll die?

Why, It'd be my body convulsing with the news of you passing by. Your tomato-flinging glory days running rampant in my head.

There would be plenty of "Open the window I can't breathe moments."
A plethora of checking my phone for old calls,texts and pictures moments.
Going to the mall, looking at your favorite shop, wishing you were here moments.
Wishing you were here moments.
Wishing you were moments.

Me realising everything you did for me- the cooking, the hugs, the effort was one grandiose "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH." I should've kept the ears of my eyes wide open. Been a little less crabby about how you didn't care about me. Called when I had the chance. Took the time to scream out my own "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH-es." The ugliest debt a person is never able to repay is the the love given by another when their gone, my grandmother once told me.

"You're wrong nani," I'd say tearing up becasue even if you're not here I have to pay you back. Love you again somehow. 

I wouldn't kill myself for you, after getting to know about your death. But here is what I would do:

I'd pray for you. Pray you'd go to heaven. That we'd meet again there and be the best friends we always were. Pray for you to be cosy in your grave. The same cosiness I'd feel when you were around me.

I'd remember you through poetry and writing. To my audience you would be the person who made my writing more alive, more compassionate. I'd name you as my life brightener.

I'd teach my kids about your mannerisms. To them you'd be the weirdo who ate the bone marrow straight from that chicken leg piece. The person who read while at the toilet. The cutie who did their duty as a parent, a friend, a loved one.

I'd do all the things we'd planned to do. Reading obscure books, starting our own school, doing something awesome enough to come on TV and then I'd scream your name out when they'd ask me who was my inspiration. It was you. It was always you.

I'd make sure I'd achieve a lot of super cool things super fast just to be able to take your name in all my acceptance speeches. Thanks for making me the person I am today.

And I'd teach at schools to pick out kids like you to create an army of yous. I guess people never die. they're just recycled in the new generation.

And hey I'm sorry if it seems like I don't care enough about you to kill myself and join you. I'd rather keep you alive and have you join me.

As for now. I just can't believe how I coexist with someone so lame.